Loneliness as an Expat: How Therapy Can Help You Reconnect in Paris
All of Us Strangers is a film several people have mentioned to me lately.
They told me how deeply it resonated with them, and I can see why. If you haven't seen it yet, I recommend it—but be prepared. It's not just a tear-jerker; it's an emotional gut-punch.
When I went to see All of Us Strangers in the cinema, I was expecting something closer to the old TV series Queer as Folk: the story of a young gay man living a glamorous life in London, navigating the highs and lows of finding acceptance as a minority person through community.
What All of Us Strangers offers instead is an intimate and harrowing depiction of modern loneliness. We follow a man struggling to connect with others, trapped inside of a developmental trauma from which, years later, he is still shattered. His interior world is quietly devastating, and in many ways, hauntingly familiar.
That might sound extreme but many people find in the film a relatable universality that speaks to their own lives.
I was reminded of how powerful I had found All of Us Strangers when I saw Queer, another film centred around a gay protagonist doing his best to live under the weight of crushing loneliness. Daniel Craig's performance in Queer is so raw that at times I found the film difficult to watch. Like Harry in All of Us Strangers, Bill in Queer oozes a loneliness so pervasive that you wonder if he's even able to put it into words for himself—let alone anyone else.
All of this has made me think a lot lately about loneliness. It's often described as one of the great epidemics of our modern age. Loneliness is something that many of us struggle with and touches all of us in some way (if only through others).
I wanted to share a few thoughts on loneliness here. How it can show up in our lives, how we might understand it better, and some small steps we can take toward feeling more connected.
Loneliness Isn't Always Obvious
Recognising loneliness in ourselves isn't always as straightforward as it seems.
We often conflate loneliness with being alone. If you aren't spending time with people, you must be lonely. And if you are surrounded by people—friends, family, colleagues—then you mustn't be.
The reality is more complex.
You can feel lonely in a crowded room. You can feel lonely in a long-term relationship. You can feel lonely at work, at home, or even while sitting across from someone you care about deeply.
A film moment that's stuck with me for years is this exchange in The Thin Red Line:
Private Witt: Do you ever feel lonely?
First Sgt. Edward Welsh: Only around people.
At its core, loneliness isn't just about whether or not we're with other people. It's about whether or not we feel nourished by the connections we have.
What Gets in the Way of Connection?
Sometimes the source of our loneliness is external.
Moving to a new city—or a new country—can make it hard to form meaningful relationships, especially if we're navigating a new language or culture. Most expatriates have experienced how even with video calls and messages from loved ones far away, the distance can leave those connections feeling thinner than we'd like.
Other times, we may find ourselves stuck in routines that limit us. We may still cherish old friends and familiar faces, but something in us is longing for new connections. As we grow and change, it's natural for our social circles to shift, too.
And then there are the internal barriers. Some of us carry wounds that make it difficult to reach out. Past hurts or betrayals that leave us wary. Or maybe we've become so used to being disconnected that we no longer know how to bridge the gap.
Are You Connected to Yourself?
This is something I talk about a lot in my work as a therapist: the relationship we have with ourselves lays the groundwork for the relationships we have with others.
When we're disconnected from our own feelings and needs, it becomes much harder to connect with the people around us in a genuine way. Sometimes, the first connection we need to repair is the one we have with ourselves.
That might mean learning to listen to ourselves more compassionately. Making space for our own experiences without judgement. Or recognising the parts of us that are longing for care and attention.
Finding a Way Back
The first step out of loneliness is often the hardest. Loneliness tends to feed lonely thinking: "I'm the only one who feels this way," or "There's no point in trying." It takes courage to challenge those thoughts.
Jumping straight into social situations can feel like too much because of how vulnerable and hyper-sensitive loneliness makes us.
If that's the case, consider starting with something smaller and more manageable. Pick up a new hobby. Take a class. Volunteer your time. Not for the social interaction, necessarily, but to do something meaningful where connection can grow organically.
Even being around people in simple ways can help. Work from a café instead of home. Go for walks in places where people gather. Explore your city, your neighbourhood. These small actions can soften the edges of isolation.
Above all, be kind to yourself. Take things one day at a time. Loneliness is not a personal failing—it's a human experience.
And if it feels overwhelming, seeking the support of a therapist can help you explore the deeper causes of your loneliness and find ways to reconnect with yourself and others.
You Are Not Alone in Feeling Lonely
All of Us Strangers touched so many people because it speaks to a universal truth: we all long to be seen, to be understood, and to belong. Loneliness doesn't mean there's something wrong with us. It means we are human.
If you're feeling lonely, know this: connection is possible. It starts with small steps, with self-compassion, and sometimes with asking for help. But it is possible.
And you don't have to do it alone.
Reflection Questions to Explore Loneliness
When do I feel most lonely?
Reflect on specific times, places, or situations when feelings of loneliness tend to arise. Are there patterns or triggers you notice?What does loneliness feel like in my body and emotions?
Explore how loneliness shows up physically and emotionally. Do you feel tired, restless, numb, or anxious? Naming the sensations can offer insight.What kinds of connections am I longing for right now?
Consider the types of relationships or interactions that feel nourishing to you at this stage of your life. Is it deep conversation, shared activities, or simply being around others?Are there barriers that make it hard for me to connect with others?
Reflect on any fears, beliefs, or past experiences that might be holding you back from reaching out or accepting connection.How connected do I feel to myself?
Explore your relationship with yourself. Do you listen to your own needs, desires, and feelings? What might help you deepen this inner connection?What small step can I take today to invite more connection into my life?
This could be something simple, like smiling at someone, visiting a café, calling a friend, or joining a group. What feels doable for you right now?
How Therapy Can Help You Overcome Loneliness
As an English-speaking therapist in Paris, I offer counselling for individuals who are struggling with loneliness, isolation, or finding meaningful connections. Whether you're new to the city or have been here for years, therapy provides a safe and supportive space to explore these feelings and take steps toward building the relationships you long for—starting with yourself.
If you'd like to find out more about how therapy can help, I offer a free 20-minute consultation online or in person in Paris. Together, we can explore whether working together feels like the right fit for you.