At a recent birthday party in Paris, I met Nis Burkule.
We struck up a conversation that went from cricket to our lives in France before the inevitable question of jobs came up. Things can take an interesting turn when people find out that I'm a therapist. A common reaction is humour mixed with nervousness ("have you been analysing everything I've said to you?") or an assumption about how difficult the work must be.
Nis's response was different.
His eyes lit up, and he began speaking about therapy with genuine enthusiasm. This wasn't just polite conversation — Nis shared how profoundly therapy had impacted his own life and expressed how different the world might look if more men felt free to access support without shame or hesitation that holds so many of us back.
Although the party soon pulled us in other directions, Nis suggested we keep in touch — and later offered to share his story here.
He hopes that by speaking openly about his experience, he might encourage others to take that first step towards therapy if they've been thinking about it.
Nis began considering therapy nine months ago, during the summer of 2024.
He wasn't in a crisis. At 39 years old, Nis was doing well.
After migrating from India twelve years ago, Nis had integrated into a new life in France, where he is now a citizen and lives with his partner in the suburbs of Paris. Building a life in a new country had been a demanding process—one that left little room to face the emotional burdens that, like so many others, he had carried, in silence.
He started thinking differently after witnessing the positive changes therapy brought to his partner's life.
"I thought I could do this as well. If my partner could, why not me?"
Despite his curiosity, therapy remained a daunting idea.
"I was scared to have the first session."
"Growing up in a country like India, talking about mental health is not easy. Showing that you're vulnerable, or showing that you need help and to talk with someone is not easy. The stigma that we have around therapy is that if you are approaching a therapist for something, it means you have problems related with mental illness."
Months passed before he booked his first session. The turning point came in December, as he prepared for his engagement ceremony.
"I thought, since I'm going into this new phase of my life, I should be taking some time for myself and speaking with someone about subjects that I couldn't just share with anyone."
Nis came to his first session with a mixture of anticipation and fear. Though he wanted to unburden himself, doing so meant breaking a lifetime of habits.
From the outset, his therapist helped set realistic expectations.
"There were all these stereotypes that I had in mind. I love The Sopranos and I had this preconceived notion of how a therapy session would go and that there'd be this breakthrough moment where you start crying and show your emotional side."
His therapist gently dispelled this myth, explaining that such moments might come—or might not—and could arise years down the line. What mattered most was being honest with himself and approaching the process with diligence.
"Once she made that clear, I understood that it would go differently to what I had had in my mind."
Nis appreciated his therapist's gentle and patient approach.
"She didn't push me at all. She made sure I had sufficient time. She didn't ask me questions right away, just she wanted to understand more about my life and where I was coming from. How I had gone about my life in India and now over here. What it was like growing up in India, and my story as an immigrant coming to France."
Although his therapist wasn't familiar with Indian culture, Nis felt understood. Her efforts to see things from his perspective made a meaningful difference.
Over time, he opened up.
"It will take you some time to reveal, unravel, I would say, all these layers of you. You need to be consistent with these sessions."
"I started to see it not so much as consulting someone. It felt like I was speaking with a friend. Once I felt comfortable sharing these things with her, I opened myself gradually."
Though therapy involved revisiting painful parts of his life, Nis was surprised by how pleasurable the experience became.
"I always look forward to my next session."
"The best part that I noticed was this post-therapy high. You know, right after you finish your session, you're in this mind space in which you feel lighter. I feel like light as a feather. I feel so light after telling my truth, telling secrets that I hadn't shared with anyone so far and that I'd been holding a long time."
When I commented to Nis that sometimes therapy involves revealing secrets to others—and sometimes uncovering secrets we've kept from ourselves—he nodded enthusiastically.
After each session, Nis takes a walk, phone-free, savouring a quiet moment with himself.
When asked what's changed since starting therapy, Nis describes a shift in how he experiences himself and the world around him.
"The way I'm approaching life has changed."
"I feel there is this clarity in my thoughts, which I didn't have. Before I went to therapy, it was like my thoughts were a ball of yarn all tied up. Slowly but surely, it's unraveling itself. I have more clarity with what I want to do in my life. I have more clarity with people around me."
"It's like my gears are finally turning, in a way they should. I'm more confident with myself. I'm more confident explaining myself. I was never someone who can explain myself easily, but right now because I'm more coherent with my thoughts."
Part of this change comes from cultivating emotional self-awareness.
"I haven't rewired my emotional processing, but I feel less governed by it, perhaps. Rather than having these, you know, ebbs and flows."
"I've become more empathetic. I would say I was always an empath before, but this is something else which I never experienced."
While Nis once imagined therapy as a miracle cure, he now sees it as an ongoing and pleasurable part of self-care.
"I won't be stopping therapy even if I feel like I'm the happiest person in the world. I'll still be going to my sessions, because right now I have this tool which I can access easily, every other week, to spend some time for me, speak about how the last two weeks went and what kind of headspace I am in. It's like a massage for your mind."
Nis feels privileged to live in France, where mental health is taken seriously. He sees therapy as part of a broader societal responsibility—one that reaches across generations.
"Since our parents or grandparents couldn't deal with their mental health, they burdened us with this generational trauma. Since we are so conscious about our mental health, I believe we should take this upon ourselves that this ends with us."
"You know, we should not burden the next generation, our kids, with something which they are not supposed to bear. I hope me being open about going to therapy will inspire my kids, my nieces and nephews to know that it's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to explain your thoughts and it's okay to be open about what you feel. We don't need to live in a society which looks down upon you if you're vulnerable."
"My first nephew and my first niece are among the most important people that I have in my life. I hope that my story will help them to live life king size. To not be held back by something which is not their burden to bear."
And for anyone unsure about starting therapy, Nis has this advice:
"Do it for your kids. Our kids are not supposed to be burdened with anything that you have been. Any pain or anxiety or stress that you have in your life you don't need to burden them with it. Let's end it with us."
"They will already have so many things on their plate. We're already leaving them with this planet where we didn't care about the climate when we had the opportunity."
"Let's leave them with a headspace in which they are able to explain themselves and live life to their full potential. Let's not hold them back. Let's start a new cycle."
Nis' only regret?
That he didn't start therapy sooner.
I recently watched a thoughtful and well-researched video by the YouTube channel Dr. Josef, exploring the risks of cannabis use, particularly from a mental health perspective. While the scientific studies are still evolving, the video does a great job presenting emerging evidence around the effects of heavy cannabis use, especially its links to...
At a recent birthday party in Paris, I met Nis Burkule.